The Sub

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In the shadow

never THE mom

or THE dad

just the substitute.

Love like they are your own

honest and pure

You are not their own

They have their own.

On the bench.

That’s where you sit

You are not the first string.

It’s OK for a while, it’s not a competition.

It’s your heart.

Your love.

This is your ready made family.

And it’s not yours.

It’s theirs. Their Mom. Their Dad.

But divorced.

Extra wheel.

That’s you. That’s me.

You only need an extra wheel

When the others aren’t good.

But just for a little while.

You are easily replaced.

You are not one of them.

Can anyone see this but me?

Who do you talk to?

How do you discuss your pain?

What do you do with your hurt?

When they all stand together in one place

it’s random, a birthday party, a school conference

where do you stand.

Alone.

Stumble Upon

Lost: Mickey Mouse

i have a hole in my heart
my body and my soul
he is my best friend

I wonder who is hurting more
me or him

he’s all alone out there
i am safe in here

he didn’t mean for this to happen
curious kitten

i want you to know, my little baby
i love you as much as a child
and i miss you
you were my missing link
my unconditional love
my loyal friend.

i am so sorry
please come home
let me help you find your way
stay strong and brave

i will find you and bring you home
and when i do
my life will be complete again

until then, know i love you so very much
you are special
one of a kind
nothing can keep you from me

come home –
i’ll be waiting.

SU

I Look Down On You

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I look down on you
judging you from the outside, not in.

I watch everything you do
and see everywhere you go –

but will never tell.

Sometimes, I see you take your first step
and I am here at times, to witness your last.

I can change my look in an instant
and my moods will surprise you.

This is what makes us similar,
you do that too.

When you cry, down on your knees, why do you look at me
and the rest of the sky?

I can’t help you, I am just a cloud.

Normal – Defined by a Cat

 

Ok so I admit it, I have a cat that is not a normal cat.  Define ‘normal’ cat.  Well, seems by the way people respond to my cat that normal cat is; distant, not friendly, not respectful, does not play fetch and does not give hugs.

My cat does.  He plays fetch.  He will get an object from a blow pop to a paper clip and he will drop it at your feet.  He will then circle round n round at your ankles, carefully wrapping his tail around your legs while his butt hits you just enough to get your attention.  So you toss the object.  Away he goes and you think, good riddance!

He comes back, no matter how far you toss that object.  Alas, it’s at your feet and so is my cat.  Huh?  Most people are then amazed, in disbelief, wow a cat has a brain.

 My cat has always had an emotional intelligence.  He will get in a pick me up stance, similar to a child.  He stands on his hind legs, both front paws up in the air and wait.  Once I pick him up he puts his front paws around my neck and hugs.  Even my Fiance was, at first, in total disbelief.  He thought I had treats in my ear or something.  Yah, like I would even think of having a cat eat treats hiding in my ear?  Ewwww.  Then he would say ’squish him, hug him HARD’, you know, like a man. So, I did – and my cat, well he likes it.  Hug as hard as you like.  He will hug back.  And you know, do men do that?

Ok, so back to my cat who is not actually all cat.  So playing fetch;  that’s a bit odd.  I mean who taught him that?  But my cat also opens doors.  Flat out you cannot lock him out, without a lock.  He gets on his hind legs, turns the knob with his front paws, then as it turn he uses his weight, as he falls, to push the door open.  Trust me, if he can’t get in, his crying will be so annoying and painful, you will eventually let him in.

If that’s not enough, he ‘gets it’.  And then again he doesn’t get it.  He doesn’t understand why he can, then he can’t. Which, makes him seem real… human real.

If I lock him out of the bedroom, for obvious reasons… (clearing throat).. when he is once again allowed in, he runs to us like he’s not see us for days.  He’s so forgiving – while the whole time he knows he’s been intentionally shut out of a place he is familiar with and for the most part, always allowed.

My point is simple and obvious.  My cat is not a normal cat.  He gives back, he has feelings.  He shows respect, he has signs of intelligence and of disappointment.  He isn’t charmed by food or toys – he picks and chooses who he likes and dislikes.  He, at first sight will either like or dislike a human.  Simple as that.  The only uncomfortable part about that is, he does not take into effect how you feel about the person – he is not comfortable with someone, just because you are.  And those you are not comfortable with, like a policeman for example, who comes to your home — well he usually loves that person.  Is his intuition actually better than mine? 

This experience I live for every day.   His feelings are easily read, his emotions are hard to ignore.  And his love is likely more unconditional than my love for him.  Finding a cat like that, well, good luck.